by Wendy Shywalker

The dream again, " Leave me alone. What do you want from me? "
Voices of a child's nightmare,
now a man's nightmare,
a nightmare seeded in reality.
The voice comes in a whisper, it hypnotizes me with its lilt,
I don't want to follow, I don't won't to go, " Father " my mind
screams, but no sound I hear.
My voice pleads in silence.
I try to fight, but with every pull at my freedom, a pain ten fold
strikes back. I am helpless before my invisible attacker.
I feel its breath on the back of my neck, I can't move, but if I could?
I am too frightened.
Its eyes bore in to me, it strips me bare with its gaze " What does it want?
What do I have? " Then I see its face, its lips curled back, teeth bared,
it snarls and strikes out at me.
That's when I wake or do I?
As I try to get control, to silence the heartbeat that reverberates
around the room. I see it, " No, not possible, not real. "
But its there, I can't swallow, I can't breath.
I close my eyes, when I open them, it will be gone, the wolf at my feet.
A surreal world.
Faces jumping in and out, pieces of a jigsaw are
shown to me.
The voice is back, its rhythm keeping pace with its force,
it speaks, it instructs, it orders.
" What do you want Pop?, I have things to do "
I have to go, I have to leave his presence, he tries to stop me, he knows.
He touches my arm, he wants to help, but his touch shouts, " Don't.
Not allowed. Leave me alone."
I hear my voice , so cruel , so empty as it lashes out and strikes.
The wounds, my words cause, are open in his eyes.
I want to hold him, tell him I didn't mean it, tell him the words weren't
mine,
but I am weak, I do as I am told and leave to his pain.
Twice now I have struggled, to force the voice from my mind.
Twice I have tried not obey.
Twice you have come to my rescue, strengthened me to refuse.
I am no longer in control, as I tear at the fences we have mended,
" Maybe I should walk away Pop, just like you walked away from me "
You stand there, silent, as are my fellow officers, stunned to muteness
by the ferocity of my anger, the unprovoked suddenness of my attack.

I am a protector, it is my job, but as my assignment comes closer,
he becomes again my target, my prey.
I hear the voice again, as I reach for my gun. Its unholstered, its in my hand.
I pull back the safety, I tell myself " NO " but my fingers work independent,
and my arm beings to rise. "Father I can't do this, I can't do this, No. "
Suddenly the voice stops, the pressure is gone.
I search for my invader, my mind is inflamed but free.
My finger's tremble as I reset the safety and put the death away.
I knew you had forgiven me, you knew it wasn't me, but I wonder,
were the words there all along, for my demon to find.
Good and bad thoughts, we have them you say,
father you saved me, but at this moment I have only two.
Am I to old to give my father a hug, but the most important
of all, to my savior again " I love you Pop. "