Note:  This is a Peter/Jordan story. It's after Requiem, I'm not sure how long after, though. Basically, it's just tying up more loose ends from Requiem.

Please, email me at mmskalany@hotmail.com and let me know what you think of this story.

Faye

That Way

by Faye

Jordan hurried around her apartment nervously. She straightened and re-straightened, dusted and dusted again, checked and double checked everything. It was all she could do to remain calm, to remain in control of herself.

The apartment was still slightly foreign to her. She'd been living at her boyfriend's place so long. It had only been a week ago that she'd moved back into her place. And after being away so long, she had moved half of her apartment to his place. But there had been many recent changes. And those changes had had a negative effect on their relationship. Jordan had moved out- an attempt to demonstrate her understanding side.

She knew that her apartment's cleanliness didn't actually matter. Her guest this evening was not only someone who was close to her but chances were that he wouldn't be here long enough to really care.

The buzz of the door startled Jordan and she jumped before she realized her company was there. Her heart was beginning to thump loudly in her chest as she quickly checked her hair and make-up, a vane act. Her sweaty hand reached shakily for the door knob and she turned it, opening the door with a creak. She made herself smile as she invited her boyfriend inside.

"Hey, Peter. Come in," she said.

Peter flashed his attractive smile and stepped inside. "Hey, Jordan," he replied. He took off his coat and Jordan took it, politely hanging it in the closet. Then silence followed as the two were unable to break the ice.

They both knew what this evening's purpose was. It was apparent to both of them without cop instincts or priest insights. It was plainly obvious to them but both found themselves in a state of denial, unwilling to consciously admit the truth.

"Would you like to sit down?" Jordan finally asked, gesturing to her sofa several feet away.

Peter smiled. "Thanks," he said, kindly scooting over and setting himself down on the couch. Jordan followed him, taking a seat on a mismatched chair nearby. After both sitting down, they grinned at each other and laughed a little nervous laughter.

"It's been awhile since I've gotten to talk to you. I mean, really talk to you," Peter said eventually, desperate to overcome the suffocating feeling of the uneasy mood that inhabited the tiny apartment.

"Yeah," Jordan responded quickly then she hesitated continuing. "Yeah, my case load's been heavy lately. And you-- well, I guess you've got a lot going on too...," her voice trailed off as she found herself in the middle of an uncomfortable sentence.

Peter smiled a little and again silence took over. Jordan and Peter couldn't look at each other so both of them sent their eyes aimlessly scanning the room.

They both knew what was coming. These past weeks had been denial. Denial of the inevitable. They were living a lie. A lie that though they wanted to change, knew they couldn't.

Peter watched Jordan a moment, seeing her eyes shooting around the room. And in that instant, he had to keep himself from crying. He didn't want to lose Jordan. She meant so much to him. But he knew that his new found career had changed him, his life, his priorities. It changed him in a way that changed his relationship with Jordan.

He didn't blame Jordan for having difficulty adapting and accepting his priesthood. It wouldn't be fair to. Jordan had fallen in love with a hotshot cop, who lived the streets, with a hotshot attitude.

He gazed at Jordan's blonde hair and red lips and felt himself cringe in anticipation of what he was about to say.

"Jordie, we've got to talk," Peter told her, his voice sounding regretful.

Jordan's head jerked up as if Peter had startled her. So, she thought slightly frightened, this is it.

"About us," Peter clarified his former statement a little. He took a deep breath before he found the courage to continue. All Jordan could do was stare at him helplessly. "Jordan, I love you-- you know I love you."

Jordan saw what he was building up to and felt a sudden desperate urge to prevent him from saying it. But she saw the look on his face. The look of unwilling, grudging even, acceptance. They had both wrestled their emotions and played the charade long enough. Though they had each given their all to save the happiness they once knew, the time had come for it to end. Jordan remained silent, looking down at her hands. It hurt too much to watch Peter painfully telling her what they both knew.

"But...," Peter said, trying to force the words through his dry throat. "But... it's over, Jordan. You know it. It has to be."

Jordan finally looked up, tears filling her eyes. She gave a bittersweet smile. "Yeah," she agreed quietly. "I know." Then she was incapable of keeping the tears back and she let out a sob which her pride immediately tried to muffle. Peter was on his feet and then at her side in an instant.

"Hey, Jordie, it's okay," he soothed, placing a hand on her shoulder. Trembling, Jordan looked up. "Oh, Peter. I just don't want it to end. We were so happy...."

Peter swallowed his tears painfully over the growing lump in his throat. "Were, Jordan. Were. Too much has changed. What we had was good," he paused. "Then."

"I just wanna go back...."

"You can't return to times meant for the past. No, those days are gone. But I'll always love you. Always," Peter promised solemnly.

Jordan dabbed her eyes and sniffled. "Yeah, I know. And I'll always love you...."

"Just not that way," they chorused together causing each of them to laugh despite the pain. Quickly, though, their laughter tapered off. Finally Peter said, "I should go."

Jordan stood up. "Okay."

They went to the closet and Jordan retrieved Peter's coat and he slid it on in silence.

"I'll see ya 'round," Peter told her.

"Yeah." Jordan smiled. Peter turned to leave but Jordan stopped him suddenly. "I'll miss you, Peter."

He faced her again and hugged her tightly. "I'll miss you, too," he said, feeling the tears begin to well up again.

Jordan hugged him unlike she ever had before. She relished the smell of his clothes, the feeling of his arms surrounding her, the cloth of his coat again her face, everything. When they separated, Jordan felt a distinct loss, like a blow to her stomach. It knocked the wind out of her and yearned to hold on to Peter surfaced.

But Peter quickly left and Jordan shut the door behind him. Then she leaned up against the door, trying to recover from her feelings. She didn't fight the tears running down her face. She felt like nothing without Peter. She sank to the floor and hugged her knees, feeling alone and lonely.

She heard in her mind him saying, "I'll always love you--just not that way." It was like a broken record torturing her, again and again. Had he really changed all that much? No, she decided. Realization dawned on her and she, sobbed harder because of it.

"Oh, Peter," she whispered to no one in her quiet apartment. "I'll always love you that way."