The Longing
By Linda Schwartz

Timeline: this story takes place sometime between the episodes "Redemption" and "Return of the Shadow Assassin."

Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, I am grateful to Michael Sloan for creating such a wonderful series that we fans are perpetuating through our writing. I am just taking them out for a while and returning them safely.

'Seven months, it's been seven months,' Peter thought grimly as he gazed at the calendar hanging up on the wall of the precinct.

"Earth to Peter," a voice interrupted his musings.

"What's up? Skalany?" he tried to focus on his curious partner.

"Well I thought I'd let you now I've finished the report on the Rivera case and I'm heading home. From the looks of it you should be doing the same thing."

"I want to catch up on some paperwork, don't worry I won't be staying too much longer."

She watched him try to bury his emotions, but she could read him like a book.

"Peter, I'm sure your father is okay." She tried to allay his fears.

He gave her a look that told Skalany this was a closed subject.

"Goodnight, Peter. " she wisely dropped the subject and put her coat on, grabbed her purse and left.

"Night," Peter muttered and focussed his attention to the files sitting on his desk.

Peter had let his mind wander back to the day his father walked out of his life. The hand that caressed his cheek for the final time and then was gone. He didn't realize he had his eyes closed when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Son?" Peter looked up into the worried blue eyes of his foster father.

"Paul, I-I was just trying to finish up these files." He straightened in his chair.

Paul grabbed the pen from his left hand. "All of that can wait till tomorrow. You're off duty as of right now. Go home, Peter." He told him with that no nonsense captain's tone.

"But Paul I..." Peter stammered.

"I'll take care of this, Paul." Kermit had come out of his office.

"Kermit? What are you doing away from your computer?"

"As surprising as this might be, I do have a life outside of the precinct." Kermit stated emphatically.

"NO!" Peter and Paul mockingly said in unison.

Kermit pulled his sunglasses down and gave them a cold look. "Come on, Peter, let's go." He waited while Peter begrudgingly got out of his seat and put on his leather jacket.

"Oh Peter?" Paul called out to him. "Your mother wants you to come by for dinner tomorrow night."

"Okay, Paul." Peter had tomorrow off and he'd probably sleep in and try to forget about his father.

Peter followed Kermit out to the parking lot behind the precinct.

"No, you're not driving, you're with me." Kermit directed Peter to the Corvair.

"What are you talking about, Kermit? I'm quite capable of driving myself home. I'm not drunk," Peter walked towards the Stealth that was parked opposite Kermit's car. He felt a strong hand on his shoulder and he turned quickly to look at his friend.

"Do you really want to go back to an empty apartment right now?" Kermit asked him. He knew how hard Peter was taking his father's departure. He'd promised Paul he'd look out for Peter. He thought of the detective as a younger brother and had an idea on how to keep him occupied. Peter relented and climbed into Kermit's car.

"Kermit where are we going?" Peter noticed they were pulling into the shopping plaza and parking in front of a computer store. "Oh great, we're going on a shopping trip? Kermit if this is a geek's idea of fun, why don't you just take me home." Peter sighed.

"Will you shut your yap?" Kermit was annoyed; he got out of his car and slammed the door. Peter reluctantly followed Kermit.

Peter was surprised when, instead of going into the computer store, Kermit went into the building next door. Peter had to take a closer look at the sign outside. The neon sign flashed 'Sloanville Bowl' against the night sky.

"Hold on," he grabbed his friend's shoulder as they stood in the entranceway.

"You might want to think seriously about taking your hand off me right now." Kermit threatened him, anyone else would have been very scared, but Peter knew Kermit well enough to know he was kidding.

"What are we doing here?" he questioned him.

"Don't tell me you've never been bowling?" Kermit continued to walk into the alley and over to the front desk.

"You know Paul and I used to belong to a father and son league together when I was a teenager. I didn't know you knew how to bowl."

"Who do you think Paul used to bowl with before you joined his family?" Kermit stopped at the counter. "Hi, Catherine," a beautiful redhead working behind the counter smiled warmly.

"Hi Kermit, it's been a while since you've been around. How are you doing?" she noticed the gorgeous hunk standing behind Kermit.

"I've been fine, Catherine this is detective Peter Caine, he works with me at the 101st. " he stopped talking when he noticed she was not listening to him. "You can close your mouth and put your eyes back in their sockets. Do you have an alley for us?"

Catherine was smiling at Peter, who was eating up the attention he was being given by the pretty redhead. "Sure, Kermit, I have an alley for you and your friend."

"Hi Catherine," Peter politely smiled at her.

"He is going to need some bowling shoes," Kermit told her, he left them to go to a bowling locker to retrieve his bowling equipment.

"So, what size are you?" 'Handsome' the little voice in her head added.

"Ten,"

"Okay," she grabbed a pair and placed them on the counter. 'He's a big guy' she thought. Another thought crossed her mind, but it was something she would keep to herself.

"Come on, let's start bowling," Kermit got the lane assignment and led Peter to the alley. Peter had put on the bowling shoes and was now looking for a ball.

The bowling alley was not crowded; Peter and Kermit had a lane towards the middle of the alley. They were well into the second game, Kermit was leading, he had 220 and Peter had a 195.

"I thought you said you were in a league," Kermit observed as he looked at the computer scoreboard.

"Yeah, yeah, Kermit. Look it's been a long time since I've been in a bowling alley so give me a break will ya?"Peter grabbed some resin and powdered up his hands, took the ball and rolled it down the lane.

"Come on, come on!" He moved his body like he could control the ball with his movements. "Yeah!" he yelled as the ball made one pivotal turn and he got a strike.

"You didn't use some Shaolin moves, did you?" Kermit joked.

"Now would I do that?" he looked innocently at Kermit.

"Hey, would you boys like a drink?" Catherine had come over to their lane. Kermit was suspiciously thinking that offering them drinks was just her way of getting a closer look at Peter.

"How about a lite beer for me?" Peter answered her, "How about you Kermit?"

"I'll have one of the imports, thanks." Kermit saw her leave and couldn't help noticing Peter was watching her walking away. He had a smile on his face.

"Peter?" Kermit noticed he didn't hear him. "Peter!"

"Huh? What Kermit?"

"Do me a favor and close your mouth before a fly flies in," Peter closed his mouth and ducked his head in embarrassment.

"Don't worry, kid, I was just kidding. Enjoy yourself, that's why we're here," Kermit wanted Peter to forget his problems.

"Thanks, Kermit," Peter took his turn and bowled. He got seven pins down and then a spare on his next roll.

"That was great, Peter" Catherine congratulated him on his shot. She had a tray with two beer bottles and two glasses. She placed them on the desk and smiled at Peter.

"Thanks, Catherine." Peter poured the beer into the glass and took a sip.

Catherine averted her eyes quickly; a blush flooded her face. She turned to return to the front desk.

"Wait! Why don't you stay and watch?" Peter poured the beer into the glass and took a sip.

"Well I do have a ten minute break. If you don't mind," she looked at Kermit.

"I don't mind, take a seat." He pointed to the seats at the desk.

Kermit noticed a dramatic change in Peter's game. His score got better since Catherine joined him.

"Yes!" Kermit heard Peter cry out as he got another strike.

"Showoff," Kermit mumbled as he walked by Peter on his way to bowl.

"I hate to leave, but I gotta go back to work now." Catherine got up and took the tray and placed the empty beer bottles on them and turned to leave.

"I'll see you on my way out." Peter locked gazes with the pretty redhead. She seemed to get lost in his hazel orbs before she shook her head to break the moment and finally left.

Peter continued to bowl, he was holding his own until the last frame. It was Kermit's last turn and he and Peter were tied. He picked up his green bowling ball, walked up to the foul line and lined up his shot.

'Cough, cough' Peter was feigning a cough.

Kermit turned around and glared at Peter. "You know, kid, I might lose my grip on this ball and there's no telling where it might land."

Peter smiled innocently and wisely kept silent while Kermit took his turn. All the pins went down except one pin, which was wobbling back and forth, refusing to go down. Kermit positioned his right hand like a gun and 'shot' at the pin. Like an invisible bullet hitting it, the pin fell hard onto the polished wood.

"No fair!" Peter exclaimed, he couldn't believe Kermit won.

Kermit put his ball back in his bag and changed his shoes.

"Okay Peter, let's hit the road. I have to get up first thing in the morning."

"Paul changed my shift so I could sleep in. So I can stay in bed all morning." Peter gloated as he carried his shoes to the counter. He felt a resin bag hit him on the head. He looked at Kermit who gave him an enigmatic look.

"Here you go, Catherine," Peter handed her the bowling shoes and she returned his boots to him. "Thanks" he put his shoes on and put his coat on. Kermit paid for their games they were walking towards the door.

"Oh Kermit you forgot your receipt," Catherine came over to them and handed Kermit his receipt.

"Thanks." Kermit muttered. He watched her brush past Peter and leave them. They got into the Corvair, Kermit started the engine and they drove to Peter's apartment.

"So she gave you her phone number, huh?"

"What?" Peter said nonchalantly.

"Don't play innocent, I saw her slip something into your hand."

"Can't put anything past you." Peter opened his hand and looked at the slip of paper.

He was already deciding where to take her on their date.

"Take her to Nicci's, a friend of mine owns the place. I'll make sure he takes care of you both." He dropped Peter off in front of his building.

"Thanks, Kermit, for everything. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sure, kid." Kermit drove off and Peter went up to his apartment.

He literally dragged himself through the door, threw the keys on his coffee table and stripped down to his underwear. From time to time Peter would have nightmares it was like the past would never leave him alone. His father's departure triggered this nightmare. He was tossing and turning. The vision of his father walking away from him tore at his heart.

"Father, no, please don't leave me." He mumbled in his sleep. In his dream he saw his father on a deserted roadway walking on the shoulder. He was a helpless bystander as a car hit his father, his body sailed through the air and landed on the grass. The driver never even stopped. Terror shook Peter's whole body. "No Father!" he sat quickly up in bed, his breathing was labored and tears ran down his face. "Oh no, no!" Peter sobbed. "It can't be true," he whispered in the darkness. But it could be true; his father had not called or written him. Anything could have happened to him. How would Peter know?

Peter pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them and sighed. He closed his eyes and rested his head on his knees, he felt so despondent.

"I love you, father," he whispered. He tried to clear his mind as his father had shown him. Maybe meditating would help calm him. He didn't' know how long he'd been meditating when he felt a warmth fill him, the feeling was very faint at first. Then it built until it filled his heart with love. The unconditional love of... "Pop?" his inner voice inquired hesitantly.

"Peter," his father's voice whispered.

"Are you all right? I had a nightmare."

"I am all right, my son. I felt your distress and wanted to quiet your spirit."

Peter could feel a hand caress his cheek. In his mind he could see his father as if he were standing in front of him. He kissed his father's forehead and pulled him into an embrace.

"I love you my son. I am sorry I worried you so."

"I got scared when I didn't hear anything from you." Peter continued to hold his father tightly, then they slowly pulled out of the hug, Peter rested his head on his father's shoulder. They rubbed cheeks in an affirmation of their strong bond. They Peter stood back to look at his father.

"When will you be coming back, Pop?"

"I do not know, my son. I need more time to find my path. But do not worry. I will not be far, you are always in my heart." He caressed Peter's cheek again. "Now you must rest, if you need me you will know how to contact me."

Peter realized if he did as his father had instructed him so long ago, to see with more then his eyes, he would know everything he needed to know about his father. He would sense his chi. "I guess I needed to have that lesson 'pushed in', huh Pop?" His father raised his hand as if he would slap him, but instead he ran his fingers through Peter's hair.

"I think so, now sleep my son." Peter felt himself being lowered to the bed and his father's hand touch his forehead and he drifted off to sleep. He felt his father's presence with him well after he had dozed off.

Peter woke up the next morning feeling so peaceful. He knew his father was okay and would be coming back to him. It gave him a sense of relief to know his father was alive and well.

He spent the morning running errands, picking up his dry cleaning and gassing up the Stealth. After showering and changing from sweats to street clothes, he went to work.

"Good afternoon, Peter," Skalany greeted him when he came into the precinct.

"Oh, hey, Skalany. How's it going?" he smiled and took a seat at his desk.

"What are you so happy about?" she noticed a dramatic change in his demeanor. "Did you have a hot date last night?"

"Yeah he had a hot date with me." Kermit interjected on his way to get a cup of coffee.

"Oh," Skalany looked from Kermit to Peter and back again. "Ohhhhh," she smiled impishly.

"Oh, for crying out loud, Mary Margaret. We went bowling." Peter clarified nothing was going to ruin his happy mood.

"Okay, okay, partner. I just didn't think Kermit liked bowling."

"There are a lot of things about me you don't know about." Kermit couldn't help noticing Peter's change either.

"Peter I need to see you in my office, please." Paul had noticed his foster son's entrance and had to ask him some questions on a case he and Kermit were working on.

"Kermit you too."

Paul was asking them to keep him up to speed on where they were on the child kidnapping case. It involved a couple who was stalking kids and trying to take off with them in a van. They could not find them and it was driving the city crazy. Not to mention a lot of worried parents who were calling the precinct non- stop.

"Don't worry, Paul, we'll catch those two. It's only a matter of time. Thank goodness that no kid has been snatched and we are going to keep it that way." Kermit assured the captain.

They both noticed that Peter was being very silent and he had a far away look on his face.

"Peter? Are you okay, son?" Paul was concerned about him.

"Huh? Oh yeah, I am great Paul. Why do you ask?"

"Oh only that you've said very little during this briefing and as we all know being the silent type is just not you. Now spit it out, what is going on?"

"Nothing, Paul. Honest." Peter could see he was not going to get by with that answer. Both Paul and Kermit were staring holes into him.

"Okay, I can see I can't fool either of you," Peter cleared his throat before he continued, "You know how I have been upset because of my father leaving, I had a nightmare last night about him. And then I felt my father was with me. He let me know he was okay. He let me know he was coming back to me."

"Wouldn't a postcard have sufficed?" Kermit asked. He didn't even bother to doubt Peter had indeed spoken to his father. He knew the Caine's long enough to know that it was not beyond the realm of reason for these two.

"This was better then a postcard. It's our way." Peter started to get up to go. "I am going to finish up some files on my desk. Then maybe you and I, Kermit, can go out and scour the neighborhood for the couple."

"Okay, Peter. You are coming for dinner tonight?" Paul asked him.

"Sure, Paul. I'll be there after my shift." Peter walked out the door.

"Keep an eye on him, Kermit. Make sure he's really okay. I was worried for a while. We'll all have to keep an eye on him until Caine comes back."

"Oh yeah," Kermit said as he left Paul's office.

End