Heartache
by Linda Schwartz

I see you in that hospital bed, wounded. I feel so guilty that I was not thre to help you. It is difficult for me to deal with the violence of your world, my son. the thought that I might lose you again tears at my heart. I can feel the tears run down my cheeks and I hold your hand tighter hoping you know I am with you.

I remember an earlier time when I thought I would have to bury you yet again. You were trying to protect me when Clarence tried to kill me. I was touched, it had been a long time since I looked into my son's hazel eyes. That concern you had as a young boy when I had been ill or hurt, I thought I would never see that again.

The you at seeing you alive again, being able to look into your eyes, there are no words.

I was concerned when I saw you were hurt, drugged. I took care of you during the hours your mind was clouded from the drugs. I feared I would lose you again. My heart ached to take the pain from you. I held you as your mind took you back to the days our temple was destroyed.

I protected you when your enemies came to hurt you. Now you protected me with your gun. I was saddened that you had to use your gun, there is always another way.

Back to the present. you are recovering. I remembered how joyful it was when I saw your beautiful eyes open and look at me. I gave you a cricket for luck. A wish that no harm would come to you again, my son.

I could not bear the heartache of losing you again. I love you, my son.