Gone Fishing
by Linda Schwartz
copyright 2000

His world was a fuzzy haze. It was a peaceful, comfortable place; he didn't want to leave it.

A persistent voice and a hand shaking his shoulder finally broke into his sleep.

"Peter?"

'Yawn' he rolled over and brought the warm covers over his head.

"Peter, come on son. Time to get up."

"mmm" Peter mumbled unintelligently.

"Peter, I guess you don't want to go fishing," Paul stated as he turned to leave his incumbent son's bedroom.

"The fishing trip!" Peter bolted upright in bed. "I almost forgot about that!" He quickly threw the covers off and opened the dresser, searching for something to wear.

Paul watched in amazement at the frenetic whirlwind that was his son. Peter had come to live with him and Annie and their daughters six months ago. At first Peter was very frightened at the new surroundings. Paul remembered how awkward it had been for all of them.

***FLASHBACK***

"Come on Peter, dinner is ready," Annie had called out to him from the bottom of the stairs.

She'd already put the food on the table and Paul, Carolyn and Kelly had taken their places at the table.

"Paul, maybe you'd better go get him," She told her husband.

Paul climbed up the stairs to find Peter sitting on the floor of the bedroom; his legs crossed Indian style.

"Peter? Didn't you hear Annie calling you? Dinner is on the table."

Paul crossed over the threshold and sat on the bed. He glanced around the room, noticing that Peter had slowly started to make the room his own by adding his own personal things to it. Aside from a few video games and some posters on the walls. Peter had a box that held a collection of pebbles that he had managed to rescue from the temple. There were also some books on the bookshelf. Paul looked at the titles. 'I Ching' and another on Buddhism. Paul and Annie both wanted Peter to feel comfortable in their house and to be a part of their family. They knew that Peter had suffered through a lot of tragedy in his very young life and that he needed to remember where he came from. Paul knew how much Peter missed his father and the life he had at the temple. So he tried to tread slowly with Peter as he settled into his new life with them.

"Yes, Paul?" Peter finally looked up at him.

"Dinner is ready, son. What were you doing?"

"I was trying to meditate," Peter said as he got up off the floor. "I haven't tried to do it in a long time, I hope you don't mind." He said with a quiver in his voice.

"No, of course not," Paul said, putting a hand to Peter's shoulder and leading him to the stairs. "I didn't know you were into that, maybe you can teach me. I can certainly use something to relax me after a hard day at the precinct." Paul encouraged him.

Peter's eyes lit up. "I'm not as good as my father was," his face took on a sad look at the mention of his father. " But I can try." Paul squeezed his shoulder and they descended the stairs to join the family for dinner.

"Sure you can."

***END FLASHBACK***

Paul remembered how Peter had tried to show him how to meditate; it was a beginning to them forming a bond together. Now this fishing trip was one more thing for them to share together. Paul bought new fishing gear for Peter and had surprised him with news about the trip the night before. He smiled as he remembered Peter's face lighting up. Peter had never gone fishing and Paul began to wonder what things he had shared with his father. He didn't ask Peter, he figured when or if Peter was ready, he would tell Paul about him.

The drive to the cabin was very quiet, Peter kept his attention out the window. Paul wondered if it might be too soon for this kind of trip with Peter. Well it was too late now, maybe Peter would relax more once they got settled in and started making fishing plans.

He parked the car and they got out. "Here, Peter, you take the tackle box." He gave him the box to carry into the cabin.

Peter put the box down on the table and walked slowly over to the window in the living room and sat down at the windowseat.

"Paul? How long are you going to keep me?" he stared out the window.

"Keep you? Peter, Annie, the girls and I are your family."

"You're not going to send me back? I mean that's what the two other families did. They acted like they wanted me, then they sent me back."

'So that's is what was on Peter's mind,' Paul knew from Peter's silence and the look in his eyes that something was bothering him.

"No, Peter we are not going to send you back, what made you think that?" Paul had joined Peter on the window seat and looked at Peter's face.

"Well with the Rileys, Mr. Riley got angry with me when he found a Buddha statue I had in my room. He threw it in the garbage and told me he would never have a pagan in his home. That was when he sent me back. He told the headmaster that they should have told him I was raised my heathens!" Peter had grown very angry when he mentioned heathens. "My father was NOT a heathen, Paul. The Temple was a wonderful home. We learned about life, how to revere all living things. I miss it," he said quietly.

"I know, Peter. You are a fine young man. I read your history, I got the feeling that the temple was a good place to grow up in and I could see from your school grades that you were taught a good many lessons there. Look, Peter," Paul put his arms around Peter's shoulder. "I want you to know Annie and I want you to be yourself. We want to learn more about you, that is how it is in families. And face it, you are stuck with us." he said forcefully. He wanted Peter to get the message that he was now a part of the Blaisdell clan.

"Really?" he said in a whisper.

"REALLY, "

"Will I have to change my name? I mean, that is what another family wanted me to do. I-I'm Peter Caine, I don't want to change my name. I'm proud of my heritage, of my father." He gazed at the cabin floor; he couldn't bear to look at Paul.

"Peter, there is nothing wrong with that. There is no reason to change your name. That doesn't make you any less a part of our family." Paul knew Peter needed to be reassured that he wasn't going to be sent back for any reason. Paul knew there was something special about Peter the minute he laid eyes on him and asked him if he wanted to go to a talk about the police academy; and Peter decided that since it got him out of math class he'd attend. Paul had visited Peter several times after that and had gotten attached to him. That was when he decided to talk to Annie about bringing Peter home to live with them.

"So how about us going out to catch some fish?"

"YEAH!" Peter quickly ran for the door.

"Um aren't you forgetting something?" Paul asked, a smile forming on his face as he pointed to the fishing gear.

"Oh yeah, oops." He helped Paul outside with the gear and they walked over to the lake.

Paul had guided the boat to his favorite fishing spot in the middle of the lake. He shut off the outboard motor and waited until the boat ceased its motions to get out the fishing gear.

"Here, Peter, bait your hook." Paul opened the tackle box and had put a hook on the end of their poles. He brought out a container filled with nightcrawlers and gave one to Peter. He carefully held it in his fingers, not quite sure what to do with it.

"Watch me," Paul took his own hook and showed him how to put the bait on, it wiggled on the hook.

"OW!" Peter jumped, he has pricked himself. He put his finger in his mouth to stop the bleeding.

"Don't worry, Peter, I did the same thing my first time, too." Paul patted the boy's back.

"Now just release it like this." Paul pulled his pole back and jerked forward, releasing the line, it sailed across the water, carrying the hook and the weight attached to the line over the water. It landed several feet from them, landing with a plunk into the water.

Peter followed what Paul did; though his hook didn't land as far. They settled in to wait for the fish to bite.

"Peter, could you hand me a soda out of the cooler." Paul asked him. "Peter?"

Peter was staring at the water, lost in thought.

"Penny for your thoughts, son?" Paul clasped Peter's shoulder.

"I was thinking.... Oh it's nothing." He shook his head.

"Come on, son, you know you can always talk to me." Paul said, trying to encourage the boy to open up.

"I was just thinking about my father, what he'd think of me fishing. We never did this at the temple"

"Well what did you do?" Paul rested his pole across his lap and gave Peter his undivided attention.

"You're going to think this is dumb."

"I could never consider anything about your life as dumb, Peter. To tell you the truth, I was kind of hoping you'd open up and tell me a little about your past."

"You did?" Peter looked at him, wide-eyed.

"The kids at the orphanage made fun of me, especially when I first arrived. I didn't have any hair on my head, that was the way we were at the temple. My father and I came to live at the temple after my mom died. The temple was a good place to grow up in, I had a lot of friends."

"What kinds of things did you do at the temple, Peter?"

"We were taught the normal things, Math, English, Science and also the way of the Tao."

"Tao?" Paul asked.

"The center of all things, how life flows around it. And I was taught Kung fu."

"Oh, how to fight."

"No, not exactly, I mean that is what I thought at first, but my father said Kung Fu was not about fighting, it was more about knowing when not to fight."

Suddenly Peter's fishing pole started twitching. "Hey Paul, I gotta bite!" he quickly stood up, tightening his grip on the pole.

"Peter, don't stand up."

Peter was pulling up on the pole, while he was turning the reel.

"I got em, I got em," He felt himself being pulled forward. It was a tug of war between Peter and the fish.

"Careful, Peter, hold onto him."

"I've almost got him." Peter was sliding back towards the side of the boat.

*Break, snap, splash!* Peter's fishing line broke and Peter lost his balance and fell into the water.

"Peter, are you okay?" Paul leaned over and grabbed Peter just as the boy was reaching for the boat.

"Oh, yeah never better." He spit out some water and with Paul's help got back into the boat.

"I think we'd better head back so you can get out of those wet clothes."

Paul started the engine and headed back to shore.

Paul could tell by Peter's stance that he was upset. He didn't look at him when they got to the cabin; instead Peter made a beeline for his room.

I'm sorry, Paul." Peter sat with his head bowed.

"Peter, stop being sorry, you didn't do anything wrong. This is a fishing trip, it's supposed to be fun. Go get changed and we'll head out again." Paul prodded.

Peter got changed and he and Paul boarded the boat. Paul steered them to a little inlet called Captree.

"I think the fish are biting here." Paul mentioned as he and Peter settled in for another round of fishing.

They had been out for about an hour when, "Paul I got a bite!" Peter yelled out. This time he stayed seated.

Paul eased over towards Peter with a net. "Hold onto him, son. Take it easy." Paul guided him as he reeled in the fish towards the boat. He finally got him on board with the net.

"What kind of fish is it?" Peter asked as he looked at his catch.

"A large mouth bass, it's a beaut." Paul slapped him across the shoulders.

They fished a little while longer; Paul caught a smaller bass.

They headed in and Peter carried the fish into the cabin.

"Wow I can't believe I caught this fish," he said with glee.

"Looks like we've got ourselves a hearty dinner." Paul took the fish and cleaned them and began cooking them in a fry pan.

Peter set the table and joined Paul in the kitchen.

"Did you ever have fish in the temple, Peter?" Paul decided it was time to draw Peter out of his shell.

"No, it was mainly vegetables and rice," Peter crinkled his nose at the mention of rice.

"I take it you didn't like rice."

"I HATED it." Peter emphasized his dislike of rice.

"I'll have to remember to let Annie know you don't like it." Paul turned the fish over. "I have noticed you DO like your food spicy. That's why I kicked up the fish a notch."

"Emeril!" Peter's eyes lit up. "You watch him too!" Peter mentioned the chef from the cooking channel. He had wandered into the living room one day and saw Annie watching it and had joined her. He became instantly hooked.

"Yes, Annie mentioned you enjoyed the show and that you like spicy food. Let's see if this is to your liking." Paul put the fish on a plate and he and Peter sat down and began eating.

"So how is it?" Paul asked him.

"It's pretty good." He said between mouthfuls.

"Spicy enough?"

"Well not really, it could use a bit more..." before he continued his eyes started to water and he quickly grabbed the glass of water in front of him and started gulping it down.

"You were saying?" Paul started to laugh.

"Ah, gasp. I think this is very spicy." Peter managed to sputter out.

They finished dinner and Peter helped clear off the table.

"The dishes can wait until morning, son. Let's go outside on the porch.

They sat on the porch swing. Peter looked intently up at the stars. A touch of sadness fringed the young face.

"What's wrong, Peter?" Paul asked him.

"Sigh, I was just thinking of my father. We used to look up at the stars together. Now when I look up at them I imagine that the stars are the light of his spirit looking down on me. I-I miss him."

"I know you do Peter," Paul put his arm around his shoulder. "I think wherever he is, he's watching over you."

"Always in the light."

"What?" Paul questioned.

"My father said that he'd always be in the light for me. I am looking but I can't find him."

"He'll always be a part of you, Peter. Always be in here." He pointed to Peter's heart.

"I know. I just wish things could be different, that the temple was not destroyed and that he didn't die and... I'm sorry Paul! I didn't mean to sound like I regret living with you and Annie I.."

"Hey, Peter. I know what you mean. Don't worry about it. No one can ever replace your father. Not even me."

"I didn't mean it to sound like I wasn't happy. It's been three years and I still can't believe he's really gone."

"It will get better, Peter. You are still grieving. It will become easier with time." Paul tried to comfort him.

"Think so?" Peter leaned his head against Paul's shoulder.

"Yes it will." He soothed him by tightening his hold on Peter's shoulder.

They stayed out under the stars for a long while, a bond forming between them that would get stronger over the coming years.

END