Doubts
by Linda Schwartz

Caine knew where his son would be, whenever he was deeply troubled Peter would always go to water, his secret place.

That is where he found him, he was sitting beside the river that ran through the park. He remembered the last time he was here with his son, after Max was shot. Peter had felt guilty that he had promised the distressed kidnaper a safe haven for him to escape to. "Instead I brought him to where he'd be killed." he remembered Peter's sadness. He wanted to be alone and Caine respected that wish.

As he drew near he could feel confusion and fear and despair coming from Peter. "Am I invited?" his father asked, a long shared ritual between them.

Peter glanced up at his father and motioned to a space next to him. Caine sat down and looked out at the river watching as the geese floated by, waiting patiently for his son to talk to him.

"I'm sorry father." Peter said as he sighed softly.

Caine's eyes widened in surprise "For what my son?" he place a hand on Peter's shoulder.

"I've been doing alot of thinking since you came back. When we first found each other I was in shock, I kept thinking it couldn't be real, you couldn't be real. Then I saw your eyes, they were the same ones I looked to as a kid for guidance, for support, but mostly for love."

Caine tightened his grip on Peter's shoulder. "Later you said that after you thought I was dead that you spent the time searching for the essence of my being. My heart soared when you said that, but then when the emperor needed you, you told me that you came to this city for him, that was our sole purpose. He was all that mattered to you. "

"Peter." Caine whispered, the words tore at his heart as he listened to his son finally opening up completely to him for the first time. Pain and anguish washed over him.

"You told me that us getting together was an accident." Peter continued, he threw a stone across the water, grunting as he did it.

"After we kept the emperor safe and restored our family's honor, I thought that we could begin again, that now we could build our relationship again. Then you left, saying you had to find your path. I thought I could deal with it, I thought that you needed your space. But you know what was the hardest part, Pop?" peter looked at his father, Caine quietly listened as Peter continued to pour his heart out to his father.

"The hardest part was not knowing where you were, if you were coming back. If you were alive or if I'd lost you again, maybe forever this time. Then you came back again, but you didn't come back for me. It was to save the world." Peter turned back to look at the water, he hadn't meant to unload like this but once he started he couldn't stop, he didn't want to stop. He had to put it all on the table. He could tell that he had his father's undivided attention, he took a deep breath and went on.

"I guess I was being selfish. You've been alone for 15 years, wandering here and there. I assumed you wanted me to be a part of your life again, I was thinking you wanted to be a family again. Maybe it's what I wanted. I'm sorry, father, for not thinking of your feelings."

His shoulders hunched, Peter began to walk closer to the water, his heart sank. This truth didn't set him free. He didn't realize that he was holding his breath until his father's voice broke the silence.

"I must ask your forgiveness, my son. I did not realize how deeply I have hurt you. It is I who has been selfish. When your mother died, a part of me died with her. I was filled with a deep loneliness, a bottomless void filled my being. I was so lost, then I looked at your beautiful face and it was as if the clouds had been drawn away and the sunlight shined again in my heart. You have given my life meaning my son. You saved me from a darkness that almost suffocated me. You ARE a part of my life, you remind me of the love your mother and I shared. You came from that love. I am so sorry that I have made you feel that I do not want you to walk down this path with me, my son. Please forgive my foolishness, I love you Peter. I am very proud of the man you have become, I only wished I could have been there when the boy became a man." tears ran down Caine's face as Peter's words struck a cord within his heart. He had much to make up to his son, if only Peter could understand just how sorry he was.

Peter turned and ran his fingers over his father's cheeks. Wiping the tears away. "It seems we both have misunderstood each other, we can't go back Pop. No matter how much we both want to. We can only move ahead, but we don't have to do it all at once, do we Pop?"

"No we do not my son, we have a long journey ahead for both of us. A journey of many miles, at least a thousand I should think." Caine smiled as he and Peter pulled each other into a fierce embrace. They would face their future together.